CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET- a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR- Your life in a nut shell.
STOCK ANALYST- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.